Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
