where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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