yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
