you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
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I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
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when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.