its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.