Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
