But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
how drunk are you?
Several
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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