she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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