So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
