Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
