One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
