I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
