Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
