new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
