I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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