there's paper in my vomit.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
