Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Dear god my vagina.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
