yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
