Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
well you can't waste a boner
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
