who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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