Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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