I think I won the penis lottery.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
