Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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