I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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