Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Redeem this text for a blowjob
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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