I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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