She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize