found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
