Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
