Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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