hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize