Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
