A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later