Texts From Last Night

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  (578): View more from

  drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm

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  (578): drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm http://tfl.nu/89pn
  Replies (14) Good night (1102) Bad night (6311)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian

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  (902): i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian http://tfl.nu/10y7
  Replies (5) Good night (3729) Bad night (1246)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I accept this challenge.

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  (410): Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you. (301): I accept this challenge. http://tfl.nu/mbqm
  Replies (61) Good night (19188) Bad night (2147)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness

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  (617): I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness http://tfl.nu/m7sl
  Replies (21) Good night (5871) Bad night (967)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.

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  (774): I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass. http://tfl.nu/6q4x
  Replies (27) Good night (11841) Bad night (1445)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often

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  (803): she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often http://tfl.nu/h6kk
  Replies (7) Good night (3158) Bad night (1550)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.

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  (480): Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea. http://tfl.nu/itom
  Replies (2) Good night (2818) Bad night (1142)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...

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  (502): I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine... http://tfl.nu/q9cs
  Replies (10) Good night (888) Bad night (2757)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.

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  (314): If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die. http://tfl.nu/75m1
  Replies (10) Good night (2235) Bad night (1120)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.

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  (304): Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better. http://tfl.nu/8g47
  Replies (4) Good night (2511) Bad night (639)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.

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  (703): I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone. http://tfl.nu/an49
  Replies (5) Good night (490) Bad night (937)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.

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  (601): Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you. http://tfl.nu/w325
  Replies (3) Good night (671) Bad night (676)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?

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  (571): Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together? http://tfl.nu/mj4s
  Replies (1) Good night (424) Bad night (603)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"

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  (773): yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt" http://tfl.nu/6oli
  Replies (2) Good night (993) Bad night (326)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drank your wedding present. Sorry

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  (267): Drank your wedding present. Sorry http://tfl.nu/ilc5
  Replies (1) Good night (269) Bad night (205)

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