Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.

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  (804): No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat. http://tfl.nu/b9yx
  Replies (5) Good night (1180) Bad night (582)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.

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  (815): His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper. http://tfl.nu/rdz6
  Replies (35) Good night (1967) Bad night (2800)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars

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  (615): one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars http://tfl.nu/tq7c
  Replies (14) Good night (1043) Bad night (3126)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out

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  (410): a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out http://tfl.nu/89tu
  Replies (40) Good night (1747) Bad night (7408)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.

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  (410): Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on. http://tfl.nu/o94m
  Replies (15) Good night (4622) Bad night (1369)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.

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  (201): I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it. http://tfl.nu/v1ti
  Replies (9) Good night (1069) Bad night (3029)
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  (+25): View more from

  We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?

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  (+25): We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them? http://tfl.nu/7ecx
  Replies (9) Good night (904) Bad night (2542)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again

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  (561): She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again http://tfl.nu/1qi4
  Replies (3) Good night (2338) Bad night (875)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.

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  (314): He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real. http://tfl.nu/dekt
  Replies (3) Good night (1580) Bad night (747)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?

  (563): View more from Iowa

  1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World

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  (641): So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight? (563): 1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World http://tfl.nu/s9cv
  Replies (4) Good night (1852) Bad night (1278)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.

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  (913): I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point. http://tfl.nu/9lwl
  Replies (3) Good night (1586) Bad night (644)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her

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  (865): He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her http://tfl.nu/a25x
  Replies (4) Good night (866) Bad night (455)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.

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  (623): Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing. http://tfl.nu/8dgm
  Replies (8) Good night (1998) Bad night (374)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.

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  (770): You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of. http://tfl.nu/9xxo
  Replies (3) Good night (574) Bad night (346)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.

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  (602): After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me. http://tfl.nu/5z6y
  Replies (1) Good night (732) Bad night (240)

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