dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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