yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
