yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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