its not stalking. its research.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
