Girls should come with a carfax report
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
