This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
