Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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