I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
