What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
