At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
