just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
