Yo dont text me then not text me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
