Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
