Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
