you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
