Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
