Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
