I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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