Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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