Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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