Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
