Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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