ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
