She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
