I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
