saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
