hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
