I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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